08.25.10

i’m in college. studying to be a professional at something.

i’m heading to the library. because that is what college students do.

i will eat when i get there. i will probably order a pizza or get a burrito from vending to heat in the microwave.

i will drink vitamin water and coffee from the library coffee shop.

i will listen to music from my bose noise-cancelling headphones. i won’t hear the voices of the people around me.

i want to socialize. i can’t socialize if i can’t hear.

i will switch to my white ipod earbuds so i can hear. i will only use one earbud in one ear so i can hear my girlfriend/boyfriend/best friand beside me.

i will catch up on television shows by watching online.

i will pirate the latest leaked albums.

i will make good use of my netflix account.

i will purchase some new headphones on ebay that don’t cancel noise but are more comfortable/stylish than the ipod ones.

i will read some gossip blogs about perez hilton.

i will get on instant messenger and talk to my friand sitting across from me.

i will study.

….

…

….

i will study for hours. i will study until it is daylight.

i have to write a research paper. i need to do some research.

i am in a library. i have access to billions of books.

via my amazon kindle/barnes and noble nook/ipad/320 gb external hard drive/google.

i am not sure how to find the books i need. i hope google has a dewey decimal system.

i want to lie down and work. as i swipe my finger accross my ipad screen as i do research on the battle of hastings.

i want to be comfortable. i want to be in an open environment.

not an environment crowded by paperbacks. and shelves of archaic encyclopedias.

so many trees. dead. so many trees. should have used megabytes, tbh.

i need a snapple.

i will talk to my friands about our project, via facetime on our iphone 4g from sprint.

we will send each other screenshots from pages of books containing important information via email.

i need to find a book containing relevant information about the number of fish consumed in the battle of hastings by middle eastern school children in bosnia. i can’t find it. why won’t you work google. i hate you steve jobs. make google work.

i will go to the librarian. and ask her to help me find a book with the information.

the librarian smiles. she picks up her macbook and googles it. she searches for 5 minutes through 37 pages of google results. i looked through 1.5 pages.

she finds the information. i thank her. and hug her. she saved me at 3 am in the morning the night before my project is due.

i want to take a nap until class. i am scared i will be mugged/raped/killed if i go into the parking lot at this hour. i need a male figure to walk with me. of course they won’t, chivalry is dead, tbh.

i find a spot on the 5th floor in between two shelves containing physical books about teenage vampire fiction. nobody is here. it is dusty. i bet they are reading these books on their kindles. i lie down. nobody will see or disturb me. this place is desolate. i sleep. goodnight library.

08.01.10

“I think I should start a blog” Farkus said. “I just don’t know what kind to start”. His friand Dante looked at him and texted via his Blackberry smart phone “yeah you should that would be neat”. Farkus read the text message on his Android smartphone and looked at Dante and said “I just don’t know what I should blog about. I am pretty uninteresting”. Dante agreed and nodded his head to show that he agreed. Farkus understood. “I read a lot of blogs and they cover almost every topic ever. I don’t know how I can possibly contribute something new” Farkus said, losing some interest in his initial idea.

He picked up a bag of sugar-coated gummy things that looked like watermelons. Farkus went to the cashier at the front of the store.”Hello ma’am can you tell me of a kind of blog that doesn’t exist that you think should exist?” The cashier took out her white iPod knockoff earbuds and asked Farkus to repeat his question. Farkus smiled and said “I was wondering if you can tell me of a kind of blog that doesn’t exist that you think should exist?” The cashier looked confused. She was obviously not very smart, not only because she worked at a Citgo – the gas station of communists in Venezuela – but because she answered the question with a question “what is a blog?”.

Farkus was used to this response. He knew the woman working at Citgo probably didn’t know what a blog was before he even repeated the question. He was 50-50 before he asked the question the first time. Not because she used a flip phone utilizing 2008 Motorola Razr technology which was laying next to the fake fingernails that she was fixing to apply to what appeared to be her real ones, but because she used knockoff iPod earbuds on an outdated “mp3 player” from 2007. Farkus has a problem judging people.

07.23.10

Dad. When are we going to Buffalo to see Uncle Hobbs?

I don’t know. Around 2-3 months. Whenever I can take off from work.

Cool. I’m excited.

Why? You never enjoy seeing your uncle. Or your little cousins.

Well, actually, I don’t plan to see them. Might take an Amtrak train to The City for a couple of days. Maybe stay with some friands I made on Twitter.

That is funny.

Why?

There’s no way you are doing that. You would die.

Why?

New York is the most-dangerous city on the planet.

Why?

Well, obviously because I say so. I mean, haven’t you seen those old movies like Taxi Driver? People died all the time. So dangerous. I read about it online all the time, or something. I’m not sure. I have just heard you pretty much will get mugged/shot when you exit the subway. No way my son will ever go there.

Are you serious? That’s from forever ago. It’s safe now. Post-9/11.

Are you sure?

I think so.

You don’t sound sure.

I’m 50-50. Actually more like 65-35. I think it’s safe. My friand lives there.

Well, how about we talk about it once you graduate community college in around 2 years. You’ll be a man then and can make your own decisions.

Ok.

[5 minutes later]

Dad what is that guy doing.

I’m not sure. Hurry up and finish pumping the gas.

Ok.

[25 seconds later]

Hey he is coming over here.

He probably wants change. Here give him this.

This is only 37 cents or something.

That’s all I have.

Oh.

[5 seconds later]

Hey mister here is some—

[pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow pow]

–

FIN